Mike, in his deck, only has saggy boobs.
-- Adam Rodgers
Decks used:
In this game, we introduced three people to Magic: The Gathering. Tom had seen us play many times and has played once or twice before. Shauna and Jessica decided to give it a try. Sadly, all we had was Mike's crazy decks and Pat's one deck, so the learning was harder than normal.
Shauna won the right to go first. We all had boring first turns — land.
Shauna played a Forest. Jessica played a Forest as well. Tom, an Island; Nate, an Island; Mike, a Remote Farm.
Shauna then played a Swamp, then used that to put Fertile Ground on a Forest. Jessica took her turn to play a Plains, then cast Wane on Shauna's Fertile Ground.
Tom put out an Island. Then, we explained how he was going to do nothing but play Islands.
Nate played a Plains. He then cast a Benalish Trapper and told Mike to go. Mike played a Brushland, followed by a Phyrexian Altar. Tom countered the Altar with a Mana Leak. The Leak resolved and the Altar did not.
Pat squeezed himself in here quickly — we figured it was okay because he was at a one-turn disadvantage and we were taking things casually that day (Mike was in charge). Pat quickly caught up, though, with a Forest followed by a Spike Drone.
Shauna played another Forest, then became daring; she played a Fertile Ground on an untapped Forest, then used that to play another Fertile Ground on her other Forest. However, then it was Jessica's turn; she played Sandstone Needle, then Disenchanted one of Shauna's Fertile Ground.
Tom played another Island.
Pat moved next to Tom while Shauna and Jessica were playing, so he will be playing in this order until the end. He played a Forest, then cast Earthlore on the Forest.
Nate needed white mana somehow, so he decided now was an okay time to play Serra's Sanctum. Then he enchanted Pat's Spike Drone with a Volrath's Curse. Much cursing ensued, followed by Mike playing Hickory Woodlot and Worry Beads. The Worry Beads caused more cursing.
Shauna used her upkeep to loose a Swamp, but then she played a Swamp. She also cast a Marsh Viper and was quite excited to use it.
At the end of Shauna's turn, Jessica cast Crumble on Mike's Worry Beads. There was much rejoicing. Then she used her turn to play Tinder Wall.
Tom played an Island with cycling (Remote Isle).
Pat put a Forest out then cast Nature's Lore on it. Nate continued to annoy people by playing Volrath's Curse on Shauna's Marsh Viper.
Nothing incredibly annoying was done by Mike; all he did was play a Vec Townships and a Foster.
Shauna overcame her anger with her inability to attack and played two creatures, a Sabertooth Cobra and Swamp Mosquito.
Then it became Jessica's turn to annoy. First she set it up with a Tinder Wall. Then, she used a Desert Twister on Mike's Vec Townships by sacrificing Tinder Wall.
Tom did not play an Island. However, Pat cast Ashnod's Battle Gear during his turn, and Tom Annulled it.
As an instant, Shauna and Jessica left the game. Shauna never even had a chance to attack.
Nathan launched the first attack of the game, targeting Mike in an effort to get him out of the game before his combo goes off. He used his Benalish Trapper to attack and Mike took the one point of damage. Mike decided to be boring and play just Vec Townships.
Tom played an Island. Pat then cast Malachite Talisman, but instantly regretting sitting next to the counter-magic player. Tom countered the Talisman with a plain old Counterspell.
Nate played a Rhystic Deluge. Mike played nothing.
Tom played nothing. Pat cast Fyndhorn Pollen, sacrificed it to Volrath's Curse, and took his frustration out on Tom. He attacked Tom with his Spike Drone; Tom had no choice but to take the one point of damage. Nate didn't let Pat's retaliation sit for long, though; he attacked him with the Benalish Trapper, which went unblocked and dealt one damage to Pat.
Mike played a Remote Farm.
Tom: Island.
Pat played a Scryb Sprites. Nate cast Trickster Mage.
Mike put out another part of his combo: Moonlit Wake. At Nate's suggestion, this was countered by Tom using a Syncopate, with X equal to, not eight, but five. This was a success by Tom and failure by Mike.
Tom: nothing.
Pat enchanted one of his unenchanted Forests with a Wild Growth. Nate played an Island, then found a useful combination of cards in play. He activated his Benalish Trapper to tap Pat's Scribe Sprites. He did nothing else, but it was a beginning.
Mike played Brushland, then sneakily played Ashnod's Altar without Tom countering it. And Tom tried, too.
Tom: nothing.
Pat cast Fountain of Youth, then tapped it for one life.
Nate played a Island, then attacked Mike with his Trickster Mage and Benalish Trapper. Mike took the two damage, then did absolutely nothing during his turn.
Tom: Island. Pat attempted to play Regeneration on his Scryb Sprites, but it was countered with a 4-point Syncopate. Pat then gained a life.
Nate played another Benalsh Trapper, then attacked Mike with his original Benalish Trapper. Mike took the two points of damage, then took his turn. He used his knowledge of Tom's hand and limited mana supply to cast a Shield Sphere and the Enduring Renewal to protect it.
Tom realized what time it was and that he couldn't be playing games with geeks anymore. Oh well, there goes our counter-magic person.
Pat cast Spike Soldier and enchanted his Scryb Sprites with Carapace.
Nate used his Benalish Trapper to take care of Mike's Shield Sphere, then attacked Mike with his Trickster Mage and other Benalish Trapper. Mike took then two, then played a Phyrexian Altar.
Pat sacrificed his Scryb Spirtes to Volrath's Curse. Then he paid two to remove a counter from Spike Drone to add a counter to Spike Soldier. Nate helped him out by tapping Mike's Shield Sphere with his Rhystic Deluge. Pat gained a life, then attacked Mike with his Spike Soldier. Mike screamed "Ouch!", and took the four damage. That's a lot of damage for this game, you see.
Nate worked against Pat for his next turn: he played Volrath's Curse on Pat's Spike Soldier. He then saw that Mike was open and attacked with his two Benalish Trappers and the Trickster Mage. Mike took the three.
Mike sacrificed his Shield Sphere to the Phrexian Altar for one white mana, then did that three more times thanks to Enduring Renewal. He used this to play Disenchant on Nate's Rhystic Deluge and an Ivory Tower.
Pat cast Pit Trap and Spike Worker. Nate kept him in check with a Pacifism on his Spike Worker. Then Nate tapped Mike's Shield Sphere with the Trapper and attacked with his other Trapper and Trickster Mage. Mike took the two.
Mike sacrificed his Shield Sphere to Ashnod's Altar, then again to Phrexian Altar to cast Worry Beads.
Pat lost an Essence Filter during his upkeep. He played a Forest, then tapped to gain one life. Nate lost an Island, tapped Mike's Shield Sphere using his Benalish Trapper, and attacked Mike with his other two creatures. Mike took the two, Nate discarded a Withdraw, and Mike took his turn.
Mike lost a Savannah during his upkeep. Then he proceeded to put all eight of the creatures in his deck into play. He sacrificed his Ornithopter to Phrexian Altar; he paid the Foster activation cost; the creature returned to his hand; he revealed until a creature appeared; he played the Ornithopter and the new creature. Repeat until he has eight creatures out. During this time, he hit his Gaea's Blessing such that his entire graveyard was shuffled into his library. "Go," he grinned.
Pat lost a Fountain of Youth to Mike's Worry Beads. He killed off his Spike Worker by paying four and moving all the remaining counters from the Spike Worker to the Spike Soldier. Then he gained one life via his Fountain of Youth.
Nate lost an Island and played Fountain of Cho. Mike lost one Vec Townships.
Pat lost a Spike Feeder but played Spike Colony. Nate lost an Æther Burst but played Volrath's Curse on Pat's shiny new Spike Feeder. Mike simply lost a Foster.
Pat played a Fyndhorn Elves after loosing a Juniper Order Druid during his upkeep. Nate lost another Aether Burst, so he Dominated Pat's Spike Soldier. Ouch.
Mike lost a Remote Farm. At the end of Mike's turn, Nate added a counter to his Fountain of Cho.
Here, Pat decided that resistance is futile so he up and quit. He did this after Nate took control of his Spike Soldier, though, and according to our house rules the controller controls a card until he looses control of it. Nate kept the Spike Soldier.
Nate lost an Island for his upkeep. He payed a blue and colorless to return to his hand the Volrath's Curse on his new Spike Soldier. Then, he discarded a Volrath's Curse.
Mike had a fun upkeep. Sure, he lost Phrexian Altar to Worry Beads, but he gained one life from Ivory Tower. At the end of Mike's turn, Nate put a counter on his Fountain of Cho.
Nate lost his Off Balance for his upkeep. During his turn he enchanted one of Mike's Ornithopter with Shackles.
Mike lost Brushlands during the upkeep, but also gained two life. He sacrificed his enchanted Ornithopter to his Altar of Dementia that was played earlier somehow, then played the Ornithopter again. Nate used the end of Mike's turn to curse and to put a counter on his Fountain of Cho.
Lost by Nate: one Distorting Wake. He tried to Dominate Ornithoptor controlled by Mike, but Mike sacrificed it to Altar of Dementia before resolution.
Mike did not enjoy his upkeep. He lost a Field of Souls, which would have won him the game quickly. He did, however, gain four life. He played the Ornithoptor that came back to his hand the turn before, then discarded a Foster. Nate put a counter on his Fountain of Cho.
Lost by Nate: Island. Played by Nate: Island.
Lost by Mike: Ashnod's Altar. Life gained by Mike: three. Played by Mike: Stream of Life for an unbelievably large amount. Nate put a counter on his Fountain of Cho.
Nate put an Island in his graveyard, then conceded, just so that I'd have to write about turn twenty-three.
Mike Burns <mike@mike-burns.com>